Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
