Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
