oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
