My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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