that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
