oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I had to cum in my sink.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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