I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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