guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
They have beer where we have blood.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
