no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
