Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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