I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
