maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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