It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
