her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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