Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I have tasted many bathrooms
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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