so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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