My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
