im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
