I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
