you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
