Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The air was thick with penises
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
