And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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