I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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