When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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