Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
