I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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