I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
