Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
MIDGETS
????
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
