I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
