I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
