I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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