I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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