I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
