I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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