The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
