So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
