I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
