idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
