Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
