I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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