Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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