Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

I murdered the dance floor call the cops

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(+90): View more from Turkey

Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university

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(443): View more from Maryland

I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster

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(843): View more from South Carolina

It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.

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