YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
