Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
