I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
