What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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