John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
the liver wants what the liver wants
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
