I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
