Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
