i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
