we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
